Elevator to Hell
by noscruples
Summary: Jason is stuck in an elevator with Brenda and Maxie. Will any of them make it out alive?


A/N - I was watching YouTube videos and someone commented about wanting to see a fanfic where Jason is stuck in an elevator with Brenda and Maxie, so I gave it a shot and added Spinelli in the mix for the perfect trifecta of annoying behavior.

Chapter 1

Maxie blinked twice as she grabbed the railing in the elevator at The Towers as her stomach flipped. "What just happened?"

Brenda's gaze landed on her. "I think we're stuck." The elevator had jerked violently and then there was silence.

Jason groaned. God must fucking hate him. It's the only explanation he can think of and the worst thing about it, his gun is upstairs. He had left without it because he had heard Brenda scream, so he quickly ran into the elevator from hell to access the threat.

Maxie threw up her hands. "Why are you just standing there looking all, Stone Coldish? Do something!" She hates when he just stares and won't do anything. God, he's frustrating. She stomped her foot for good measure.

Jason's head tilted as he glared. How Spinelli puts up with her, he'll never understand. Her ranting is like nails on a chalkboard which he'd oddly prefer.

"Not even your ridiculous evil glare can restart this elevator. Do you not get them serviced regularly?"

"Opening your mouth is not helping, Brenda."

"And you standing there looking like a borg isn't either."

Maxie giggled. "She has a point. You do look like a borg. I keep waiting for you to belt out, I am the terminator. Perhaps if you tried to wear other colors or—" She moved in front of him and tried to push the corner of his mouth up twice before Jason grabbed her, picked her up, and then placed her in the corner and then went to the opposite one.

"Well, that was rude."

Brenda rolled her eyes. "He was re-born rude."

Jason pinched the bridge of his nose. "If I had my gun, I'd shoot myself," he muttered. "Why did you scream?"

"I tripped."

He blinked twice wishing he could make her scream right now, but not in a good way.

"She has a point about you wearing black, you know."

"Did I ask your opinion?"

"Yup, he's rude," Maxie said. "Maybe you should get back together with Sam so you'd get laid."

His eyes narrowed. "I'm not discussing my sex life with you."

"Or lack thereof," Brenda said.

Maxie grinned evilly. "Sam told me that you were packing in more places than one."

He blinked a few times like he couldn't believe she had said that.

Brenda eyed him up and down. "I don't believe it." She made a motion with her hands like it was small. It would serve him right if he was.

Maxie started humming the song, Anaconda, and Brenda laughed as Jason stood there bewildered.

Spinelli's voice filtered through the air. "Stone Cold? Are you there?" He had just checked the monitors and saw what happened.

Finally, Jason has hope. "Spinelli, you have to get me the hell out of here!"

"Don't yell at him you big brute!" Maxie said running towards the speaker. "Spinelli, Jason is having some kind of conniption. I swear the veins are going to pop out of his head. You know how he gets that, I'm going to rip something apart look like he's the Incredible Hulk except he's not green and wears a leather jacket, but at least he still grunts and tears things up? I thought that Sonny was the one that has claustrophobia, but Jason is practically sweating right now. Do you—"

"Maxie, shut up!" He just can't take her rambling right now.

Brenda shoved Jason on the back. "Don't yell at her!"

"It's okay. I'm used to his—moods," Maxie said. "They must make some sort of Midol for men. At this point, he smiles about once a decade. I swear, I've never known anyone who goes out of their way to be so miserable all of the time. He avoids smiling like his face will crack if he does."

"His constipation doesn't give him the right to be an asshole. Besides, the last time he probably smiled, it was just gas."

Jason's whole body tensed. "If I didn't have to deal with crazy people like you two all the time, I wouldn't be miserable. Spinelli, if you don't get me out of here soon, there will be carnage."

"Stone Cold! You must not hurt Maxinista and the Divine One. The world could not go on without their imminent beauty and fashion sense. They are true beauties to behold and I long to see my beautiful Maxinista again and merge our lips in a sweet kiss."

"Focus!"

"Don't yell at him. He's just trying to help and what he said was beautiful and insightful," Maxie said. She hates how he barks at her man. "You're nothing but a big bully!"

"I've been telling him that for years," Brenda said.

Jason rolled his eyes. "You are so far from divine it's ridiculous. I don't understand how lightning doesn't strike him when he calls you that." His blood pressure spiked. "Spinelli, I will buy you anything you want. I'll send you to that comic thing you always talk about where people dress funny and talk like you. Please, just get me out of here."

Spinelli sputtered, "Stone Cold, the fact that you would go to such lengths to acquire your freedom warms the cockles of my heart. You do love me."

"What the hell are cockles?"

"That's not important. While I would be more than thrilled to be stuck in an elevator with two enchantresses, I shall try to call the maintenance man again to ease your manly pain. Apparently, he broke up with his girlfriend and was rather inebriated when Max found him, but they are plying him with the most potent Corinthos-Morgan blend as we speak."

"Unbelievable…"

"Give me your jacket," Brenda said.

"No."

"Just give it to me. Why do you always have to be so obstinate?"

His hands found his hips. "What for?"

"I just need it."

"Will it make you shut up?"

"Again, would it kill you to be nice—you Neanderthal?"

He tried to rip off his jacket, but his arm got caught and he flew into a tantrum. When he finally removed it, he threw it at her and then ripped off his shirt and chucked it at Maxie. "Just take it all and stop talking!"

His chest heaved as the women stared at him with wide eyes and then started to laugh.

"You really should work on your anger issues," Maxie said before spreading his shirt on the floor and sitting.

Brenda did the same with his jacket. "Seriously, do you live in the gym? Are you on roids?" His chest and arms are massive. It would be attractive if someone else's head was on his body. She is so over his beady blue eyes and his major anger fest.

"He kind of has man-boobs." At the look of horror on Jason's face, Maxie backtracked. "I don't mean that in an obese way, they are just bigger than a handful, I think. Here, let me check."

Jason pinched the bridge of his nose. "Give me my shirt back, Maxie."

"Nope. Nobody told you to take it off in the first place and I'm comfy." She moved her hands like she was squeezing his chest making Brenda chuckle. Despite his ginormous attitude, he is very delectable. Thankfully, there are no cameras. "Are you getting love handles?"

Brenda snorted as Jason closed his eyes and counted to ten.

Spinelli cleared his throat. "Stone Cold, perhaps you should keep your predominant pectorals covered, so Maxinista and the Divine One aren't distracted by their enormity."

"Don't worry, Spinelli, I wouldn't touch his pectorals if they were the last ones on earth," Brenda retorted.

"Harsh…I can assure you that most ladies don't seem to mind his bulging biceps and other manly areas."

Maxie smirked. "What ladies? He's practically a hermit. No woman alive would put up—" Her eyes grew big as her mouth fell open. "Oh, my God, are you gay?" That has to be it. She had even come downstairs in a towel and he didn't look remotely interested. How was that even possible? Spinelli had actually drooled.

Spinelli gasped loudly and spilled his orange soda as Brenda began to laugh hysterically as Jason practically growled.

"I'm not gay."

"It's okay if you are; I mean, you already work out a lot. The only problem is your fashion sense, but I can help with that—"

"Maxie!"

Her brows rose when he turned red. "I know, shut up. I'm just trying to help you find love and free you from your dark existence."

"I don't need your help and I dress just fine." He crossed his arms in front of him.

Brenda laughed. "Do you look at yourself in the mirror? You are a fashion train wreck."

"Nobody asked you, Brenda." He's going to start carrying a muzzle or duct tape.

She rolled her eyes, hating how he pronounces her name when he's pissed. "Someone is a bit touchy."

"I'll show you touchy." He moves towards her and she screams.

"Don't you get near me with those things!" Her hands wave around.

"While Stone Cold's pectorals can be intimidating, I don't recall Sam ever complaining," Spinelli said.

"Can we leave my pectorals and Sam out of this conversation?" Jason said. He has no desire to go back to her. That ship sailed and wrecked.

"You're the one that decided to flaunt them," Maxie said with a smile.

"Look away, Maxinista," Spinelli said emotionally. "It's for your own good."

"It's hard not to stare, they keep moving. It's mesmerizing. How do you do that? Can you teach me?"

Spinelli gasped and looked down, trying to move his, so he could please her later. "Sta—Stone Cold, I must warn you that if you choose to use your amazing pecs to try and woo Maxinista away from me, I will be forced to fight you and use lethal force." He paused for a second, failing miserably at moving his chest muscles. "Can you teach me too?"

Jason shakes his head. "You have all lost your minds. I don't want Maxie and Spinelli, you don't have pecs and don't need them. You are the Jackal, remember? Now use your cyber skills to get me the hell away from them. If this was the roof of a building, I would have gladly jumped already."

Maxie pouted. "What's wrong with me? You'd be lucky to have me. You barely remember to eat without my prodding. The penthouse was a droll, depressing practically vacant snooze-fest before I spruced it up and I'm the only reason you have a pulse—barely!"

Jason counted to twenty this time.

"There's nothing wrong with you, but don't even get me started about what's wrong with him," Brenda said.

"Here we go," Jason said.

"You're an arrogant, pig-headed, chauvinistic, cold, rude jerk who'd rather insult someone then show them manners or be cordial."

"And you're a selfish, has-been, narcissistic know it all who can't shut her mouth which is why you are destined to be alone!"

"Ouch," Maxie and Spinelli said at the same time.

Brenda's eyes narrowed. "Take that back!"

"No."

"Yes!"

She hurled herself at him, taking him off guard and he lost his balance and landed on his butt as he tried to hold her arms.

"Spinelli, you have to get us out of here before Brenda kills him," Maxie said dramatically, "or damages his family jewels. He might need them again someday if the fates align and some poor sucker is willing to date him and then procreate,"

"She can't kill me because I'm going to kill her first." He dodged a blow and grabbed her wrists.

Brenda grunted as she tried to break free. "Maxie, quick, come over here and mess up his hair."

Maxie laughed and as Jason struggled with Brenda, she tried to mess up his spikes.

"Don't touch my hair!"

"Maxinista, you must refrain from touching Stone Cold's prized follicles. I was thinking of having them insured. They are always the peak of perfection and have the perfect amount of highlights and gel."

Jason grabbed Maxie and then pinned the women against his body trapping their arms.

"Let us go, you big lug," Brenda yelled.

"You're the one who started it."

Maxie squirmed to try and free herself while Brenda finally wrenched her hand away and did her best to mess up Jason's spikes.

"Knock it off!"

The girls yell at him as he tries to fight them off and then the elevator suddenly opens and they freeze.

"Hi Daddy," Maxie said with a little wave.

The women are perched on top of Jason as an amused audience looks on. "Unbelievable…" Mac said.

Sonny smirked. "Um, Jason, would you like to explain what is going on?" From the look on his partner's face, he can only imagine how upset he is.

He bucked them off him as they squealed.

"Why are you naked around my daughter?"

Jason sighed and grabbed his shirt. "Trust me, nothing like that will ever happen. She and Brenda are like kryptonite." He pulled on the shirt and then shoved it down. "I want a restraining order on both of them."

"You rang?" Diane said pushing past Sonny to observe.

"I want that brute arrested!" Brenda said.

"Can you get a restraining order for her mouth? I'm out of here," Jason said.

Diane covered her smile with her hands. It's not often she gets to see Jason this frazzled but she loves it when it happens.

"He is such a downer," Maxie said as she stood and then helped Brenda who promptly jumped on Jason's back as he tried to leave.

"Get off of me, Brenda!"

Sonny couldn't help but chuckle because Jason's hair is uncharacteristically disheveled.

"That is not a good look for you," Diane said. "Seriously, I don't even think he wakes up looking like that. His spikes know better than to piss him off."

"He definitely sleeps pretty," Maxie said.

Jason grabbed Brenda's arms to make sure she didn't slip off and headed for the door.

"Where are you taking me?"

"I'm going to throw you in front of a bus."

"Jason…" Sonny said trying to catch up.

"Don't try to stop me. I should have done it years ago."

"Police! Help!" Brenda yelled.

Mac put his hands on his hips. "I don't know whether to arrest him or let him follow through."

Dante grinned. "That is debatable."

"Robin will be upset if anything happens to her," Maxie said brushing by him. "I'm late for a facial and then I'm meeting Spinelli. Toodles," she said sauntering away.

The cops moved to the window and watched as Jason pretended to chuck Brenda into traffic and then an evil grin crossed his face.

"Shit…" Mac hissed as he ran for the door and made it outside just in time to see Jason drop Brenda into a fountain.

Her scream pierced the air as Jason grinned and tried to smooth his hair.

"You, asshole!" she said, smacking the water for effect.

Sonny rubbed the back of his neck. "Jason, was that really necessary?"

"You weren't trapped in an elevator with her for what seemed like an eternity and she didn't touch your hair." He might pay to see that. Sonny's hair doesn't move. Johnny had asked him what he used years before, but Sonny wouldn't tell.

"I hate you!" Brenda yelled as she stood dripping wet.

Jason rolled his eyes. "I hope someone gets a picture of your fashion sense and it goes viral. The next time you're in trouble, you can call someone else and learn to keep your hands to yourself!"

"Gladly! I never want to see your stupid, borg face again."

Sonny stood in front of Jason. "Just go, okay. I'll take care of Brenda."

"Whatever, maybe you can stop at the store and buy her a muzzle."

"I hate you infinity!" Brenda yelled as she tried to get out and slipped and fell back into the water as she screamed Jason's name.

He chuckled as he strode into the garage as the sound of Brenda's ranting began to fade and then climbed onto his bike. It's too early to drink, so he'll have to settle for a bike ride to calm his nerves. Revving the engine, he took off like a bat out of hell to get as far away from his worst enemy as possible—Brenda's mouth.

The End


End file.
